Saturday morning my next door neighbors 7 month baby girl was found dead in the crib. unknown cause CPR was done for approx. 40 min it didn't work. they are duel military and not going to take it well. I was the 4th one in the house after 2 cops and my wife after a quick assessment of the situation i quickly realized my best use of time there was to try to help mom and dad but i couldn't think of anything to say. i am sitting here at work right now around 42 inmates pissed at the world that she is gone its just not fair. I wanted to take a turn doing CPR but the cop was doing a good job and wasn't getting tired but i was torn as i knew it wouldn't work and i knew the parents needed something but i was lost now i am kicking myself in the ass because what if i would have been the difference and that little girl would be alive today if i would have tried. her body was just laying there lifeless turning blue and the world stopped EMS was there in no time at all however it seemed like it took days for them to show when the fire LT said he was going to call the Dr i knew what that meant and i lost it myself. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT THIS IS NOT MY FIRST CHILD THAT I HAVE SEEN DIE BUT IT SURE AS FUCK IS THE HARDEST. I know i am just rambling at this point but if you are still reading this please hug your kids, put down what ever it is that takes you away from them if that is work like me or booze or what ever spend the time with them as we never know how long we have with them.

EDIT: It was confirmand last night that it was SIDS or now called SUIDS the funeral is this Saturday at my neighbors house this is going to be one hard weekend.

Dam that is rough, I got nothing as Im in tears reading this...

ya i am too and i am at work. idk if i should be here at work right now.

That is tough to witness.

Don't let the "what if" live in your head. It's likely that no matter who was doing CPR God called that baby back for a reason.

I have not gone back to work yet. The blessing of this pandemic is bringing me closer to my young kids. Hell on my savings tho. But it let's me see their day to day experiences and their growth. Something I would not have seen working 60+ hours a week.

thank your stars. i am working 64ish hours a week right now but i dont know how much longer i can keep that up. i am trying to make up some money so i can get out of debt and will not have to work the overtime.

man this is hard to read I can't imagine being there. can't even think of something to write to comfort you. so, you aren't alone in being speechless

SIDS was always in the back of my mind when the boy was younger. I can't even imagine.

This reminds me of last year we lost a to-be-nephew in a miscarriage. Almost losing the mother in the process and the emotional toll is still there. God have mercy

You did the best you could at the time you did it.

Everyone second guesses themselves. That how we improve our reaction and actions in the future.

I would support you made the right choice to focus on the parents need at that critical time.

I would not agree that you taking over CPR would of made the difference, under the circumstances you outlined. Unfortunately children are more respiratory than cardiac issues for their age group.

I think you know what you need. Time off. Take time to resolve and come to your own terms of what you went through. Work is sometimes a good distraction but this may need more of your time to take in (emotionally).

Life isn’t fair nor is it on the schedule one would think is fair and just.

Pray if you believe and take time to spend with family and friends.

May God Bless you and console you during these times.

ya i tend to ramble sorry. i just needed to get it out even if it wasn't verbally i needed to get it off my chest. i work 60+ hours a week under stress i am used to that but this was so different that what i am used to. normally its my life and my partners life i am worried about and i know what to do with that. i would have given anything to watch that little girl take a breath and start crying.




at 7 months i would think that would not be a thing anymore.

thank you.

It is of little comfort, but most CPR incidents do not have successful outcomes. Playing the "what if" game will only hurt you. You and everybody else did their best. Getting into EMS myself, one of the things we have to reconcile is the fact that we will lose sometimes. It's just the way it is. Don't beat yourself up over it. That's sleep you don't need or deserve to lose.

sleep that is something i didn't get much of last night. i was an EMT, CNA and i worked for a volunteer fire dept. i was a Navy Corpsman i know death and have seen more than my share of it but this one just fucking seems to hit a bit harder than most.

Jesus....I don't think there are any words that can make this better.
I'm sorry brother.

thank you sir.