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 How NOT to get an interview..... 
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In Memoriam
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In Memoriam

Location: Gig Harbor
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011
Posts: 1829
Real Name: Nick
Our company is actively recruiting sales professionals, (If you're looking for a position PM me!) and this is an actual Resume that was sent to us. I would write it off as a joke, but this came to us through monster.com, so I have to believe it is real....

We passed it around a bit, and I decided you guys needed to see it....

The boss won't let us bring him in...lol

On to the goods!
I took out the name to protect the innocent....

As we got it:

Facilitator of Extraordinary Skill and Talent

- Work History -

I have been the best since I was born 24 years ago. Being the best is what I am good at and I am so good at it that the Universe itself bends at my presence. Co-operation and Teamwork I think is important to be the best and because of that I have never been a fan of conflict while prior goals have been set. My problem solving and people skills have evolved past those of war-time peace treaty mediators. The places I have been employed have helped me in these aspects.

I have had a number of different jobs:

Best Buy – Knowledge of Computer Systems, Customer Service
Cascade Station OR
9739 NE Cascades Pkwy
Portland, OR 97220

Hewlett Packard – Product Representative/Product Knowledge
Working within different stores where Hewlett Packard products were sold
Best Buy
Clackamas OR
9630 SE 82nd Ave
Portland, OR 97266

Game Stop – Video Game Distribution and Product Knowledge
910 NE Tenney Road, Suite 121
Vancouver, WA 98686

Papa Murphy’s – Food Sales, Management Skills, Customer Service
14201 SE Mill Plain Blvd
Vancouver, WA 98684

Oak Harbor Freight Lines – Shipping and Distribution
9026 NE 13th Ave
Portland, OR 97211-1673

While holding these places of employment I was able to sharpen several different skills and forge them into blades that will strike fear into the hearts of all who oppose me, such as laziness, confusion, and ignorance. These blades also give me the ability to speak to potential clients and customers with unmatched resolve. In my right hand I wield Creativity, and in the left hand Outside the Box Thinking.




Job Skills and Attributes

Creativity

Problem Solving

Teamwork

Outside the Box Thinking

Listening

Sense of Humor

Rational Speaking

Motivating Others

Fast Learning

- Work Ethics -

I crush my enemies with swords forged from skills and attributes found in the depths of my immortal soul. I use these to conquer any task set before me and call upon allies to take on the insurmountable odds that can only be triumphed by teamwork and problem solving. My ability to keep others motivated allows me to command a vicious army capable of destroying the obstacles placed in our path to glory. If new problems arise my adaptability to what needs to get done will surface to give birth to a monster of unparalleled and fantastic power.


:)) :))

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Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:04 pm
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Location: Renton, WA
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011
Posts: 51917
Real Name: Steve
:shock:

Well, I'm glad you took my name off it, but I still think it's pretty crappy of you to post it here!!! angryfire

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Steve

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Please support the organizations that support all of us.

Leave it cleaner than you found it.


Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:09 pm
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Location: Shithole of Kent
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011
Posts: 127
Swords & blades, hmmmm - Must be A turkish warrior.


Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:20 pm
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Location: renton, wa
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2011
Posts: 4062
Real Name: below me
Duh, WINNING!!!

he forgot to add that he has tigers blood.

that is an epic resume


Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:32 pm
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Location: Gig Harbor
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011
Posts: 1829
Real Name: Nick
MadPick wrote:
:shock:

Well, I'm glad you took my name off it, but I still think it's pretty crappy of you to post it here!!! angryfire


Lol!!

We had an office brainstorming session to picture this guy. Consensus: lives in his parens basement playing dungeons and dragons all day. And as our office assistant put it: he's holding something in his hand. But its not outside the box thinking!!

What an appropriate smiley....
sword2

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Mon Apr 11, 2011 11:01 pm
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Location: RENTON
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011
Posts: 20748
Real Name: John
...and these people walk amongst us. :shock:
Winning!
usrifle

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Tue Apr 12, 2011 4:41 am
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Location: Olympia, WA
Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2011
Posts: 38291
Real Name: Dan
Kgbsucka wrote:
Consensus: lives in his parens basement playing dungeons and dragons all day. And as our office assistant put it: he's holding something in his hand. But its not outside the box thinking!!


Hmmmmmm....... Image


Tue Apr 12, 2011 6:18 am
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Location: (Per MadPick) Carnation WA
Joined: Tue Apr 5, 2011
Posts: 96
Sounds like he is the "Worlds of Warcraft" character "Twin Blades of Azzinoth " (Dont ask!)

Image

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Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:14 am
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Location: renton, wa
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im4 l3v3l 70 wizz4rd wi7h invi5abli7y.
all your gun5 are b3long 7o m3


Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:32 am
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Location: Woodinville
Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2011
Posts: 4631
SigSaur wrote:
Sounds like he is the "Worlds of Warcraft" character "Twin Blades of Azzinoth " (Dont ask!)

Image


Massivedesign wrote:
Kgbsucka wrote:
Consensus: lives in his parens basement playing dungeons and dragons all day. And as our office assistant put it: he's holding something in his hand. But its not outside the box thinking!!


Hmmmmmm....... Image



...and Dan for the FAIL. L-)

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Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:23 am
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Location: North end of Lake Washington
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2011
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Real Name: Bob Dole
Image

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MadPick wrote:
Listen, I've ridden Dan, and I can assure you that he moves around a whole lot more than that.


Tue Apr 12, 2011 2:16 pm
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Location: Seattle, WA
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011
Posts: 22
You gotta give him credit. His resume gets your attention. May the force be with him! :lol:

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Wed Apr 13, 2011 3:18 pm
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Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011
Posts: 954
Truly awesome. He reminds me of Deniro in that movie w/ Wesley Snipes......The Fan.

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Thu Apr 14, 2011 3:14 pm
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