Our company is actively recruiting sales professionals, (If you're looking for a position PM me!) and this is an actual Resume that was sent to us. I would write it off as a joke, but this came to us through monster.com, so I have to believe it is real....
We passed it around a bit, and I decided you guys needed to see it....
The boss won't let us bring him in...lol
On to the goods!
I took out the name to protect the innocent....
As we got it:
Facilitator of Extraordinary Skill and Talent
- Work History -
I have been the best since I was born 24 years ago. Being the best is what I am good at and I am so good at it that the Universe itself bends at my presence. Co-operation and Teamwork I think is important to be the best and because of that I have never been a fan of conflict while prior goals have been set. My problem solving and people skills have evolved past those of war-time peace treaty mediators. The places I have been employed have helped me in these aspects.
I have had a number of different jobs:
Best Buy – Knowledge of Computer Systems, Customer Service
Cascade Station OR
9739 NE Cascades Pkwy
Portland, OR 97220
Hewlett Packard – Product Representative/Product Knowledge
Working within different stores where Hewlett Packard products were sold
Best Buy
Clackamas OR
9630 SE 82nd Ave
Portland, OR 97266
Game Stop – Video Game Distribution and Product Knowledge
910 NE Tenney Road, Suite 121
Vancouver, WA 98686
Papa Murphy’s – Food Sales, Management Skills, Customer Service
14201 SE Mill Plain Blvd
Vancouver, WA 98684
Oak Harbor Freight Lines – Shipping and Distribution
9026 NE 13th Ave
Portland, OR 97211-1673
While holding these places of employment I was able to sharpen several different skills and forge them into blades that will strike fear into the hearts of all who oppose me, such as laziness, confusion, and ignorance. These blades also give me the ability to speak to potential clients and customers with unmatched resolve. In my right hand I wield Creativity, and in the left hand Outside the Box Thinking.
Job Skills and Attributes
Creativity
Problem Solving
Teamwork
Outside the Box Thinking
Listening
Sense of Humor
Rational Speaking
Motivating Others
Fast Learning
- Work Ethics -
I crush my enemies with swords forged from skills and attributes found in the depths of my immortal soul. I use these to conquer any task set before me and call upon allies to take on the insurmountable odds that can only be triumphed by teamwork and problem solving. My ability to keep others motivated allows me to command a vicious army capable of destroying the obstacles placed in our path to glory. If new problems arise my adaptability to what needs to get done will surface to give birth to a monster of unparalleled and fantastic power.