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 JOKE OF THE DAY-POINTS FOR SPIT COFFEE ON YER KEYBOARD STUFF 
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A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?”

The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.”

The Godfather says, “Well ask him where my damn money is!” The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you are talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where my damn money is!”

The attorney signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!”

The accountant signs back, “OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!”

The Godfather says, “Well….what did he say?”

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He says…go to hell… ..that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

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Just leave me alone.

“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”
Samuel Adams


Thu Jan 25, 2018 9:18 pm
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Real Name: George Bailey
AR15L wrote:
A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?”

The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.”

The Godfather says, “Well ask him where my damn money is!” The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you are talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where my damn money is!”

The attorney signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!”

The accountant signs back, “OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!”

The Godfather says, “Well….what did he say?”

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He says…go to hell… ..that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”





:ROFLMAO:

Thats a pretty good joke...

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"Remove one freedom per generation and soon you will have no freedom and no one would have noticed."......Carl Marx



deadshot2 wrote:
Don't trust anyone who wipes their ass with their hand rather than toilet paper.


Mike in Wa wrote:
Since Juk always takes D.


Fri Jan 26, 2018 6:50 pm
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Real Name: Gordon Shumway
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for a rumn coke.

The bartender looks at him, puts down a napkin, and without a word sits down an apple in front of him.

The guy looks at the bartender and says 'What the hell is this? I ordered a rum n coke!'

The bartender responded 'Just try it, you'll like it'...

So the guy takes a bite, and it tastes like rum...

'Oh my god, it tastes like rum!', the man says

The bartender says 'turn it around', and the man does.. and takes a bite...

'Oh my god, it tastes like coke, this is amazing!'

The bartender winks, and gets back to wiping down glasses, as another man comes in...

'I'll take a gin and tonic', he says...

The bartender places a napkin down at the bar, and once again places an apple down...

The guy starts asking 'what the hell is this?', and the bartender says 'just try it', and the first guy at the bar reassures him...

So, he takes a bite...

'Jesus Christ! This tastes like Gin!' he says

The first guy chimes in with 'Yeah, and mine tastes like rum and coke, turn it around!', while the bartender gets back to tidying up..

Second guy turns it around, takes a bite, and tastes just like seltzer water.... He then says 'what else you got back there?' as a 3rd guy walks in..

Third guy walks up to the bar, and the first 2 guys can't wait to tell the third guy, tripping all over each other ...

'Man, you gotta try this'.... 'This bartender has apples that can taste like anything'.. 'Mine tasted like rum and coke'.... 'Mine tasted like gin!'.... You gotta get an apple...

So the bartender comes back up and asks what he's having....

3rd guy says 'These guys say you have apples that taste like anything I want, is that true?'

Bartender replies, 'I got a pretty good selection back here, just lemme know what you want and I'll make it happen'..

So, the guy, quick on his feet, says..... 'I want an apple that tastes like pussy'....

So, the bartender pulls out a napkin, and puts the apple down on the counter....

The guy takes a bite... and immediately spits it out, showering chunks of apple everywhere.. FUMING MAD, the guy yells 'THIS TASTES LIKE SHIT!'....

So the bartender looks at him and says.... 'Turn it around'....

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MadPick wrote:
I’m visualizing TW all covered in cake.


Fri Jan 26, 2018 7:22 pm
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Real Name: George Bailey
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Don't mess with seniors!

_________________
"Remove one freedom per generation and soon you will have no freedom and no one would have noticed."......Carl Marx



deadshot2 wrote:
Don't trust anyone who wipes their ass with their hand rather than toilet paper.


Mike in Wa wrote:
Since Juk always takes D.


Sun Feb 25, 2018 4:28 pm
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I'd slap you but shit splatters!!!

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[b]GET OFF MY LAWN!!![/b]

If you are free to be a freedom hating progressive Liberal scuzbucket - Thank a man with a gun!!!

"You are either with us...as Americans. Or, You are against us. There is no IN BETWEEN." ???

"We cannot negotiate with those who say, 'What's mine is mine, and what's yours is negotiable.'" JFK

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety”

-Ben Franklin


Sun Feb 25, 2018 7:16 pm
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Debated whether to post this here or the memes thread....

Image

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"If it doesn't work, the proper sequence of tools is duct tape->screwdriver->hammer->shotgun. If none of that fixes it, it wasn't meant to work in the first place."

I am free because I say I am. My freedom is not dependent on any government benefit or piece of legislation. My rights are inherent in the fact that I was born a sovereign being. They are non-negotiable. The government can list them and protect them, but my rights are not theirs to give away.

Yolo: Because idiots don't know what "carpe diem" means.

What, do you think I`m an amateur? You think this is Amateur hour? I`m covered in broken glass and hatred. You think someone would want to anger that with a Vz? - Fjordforder


Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:32 pm
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Real Name: Al Zinck
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

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Fri Mar 09, 2018 7:09 pm
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At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an

inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.



While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to

the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy alot of

bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when

there's too little left to be of any use?"



“Good question” noted the CFO. "We save them up and send

them back to the bandage company and every once in a while,

they send us a free roll."



“Oh”, replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his

unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went,

in his arrogant and obnoxious way. "What do you do with

what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"



“Ah, yes”, replied the CFO, realizing that the auditor was

trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.

"We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and

every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster."





“I see”, replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he

could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well, he went on, "What do

you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"



"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the CFO. "What we do is

save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and

about once a year they send us a complete prick."

_________________
Just leave me alone.

“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”
Samuel Adams


Mon Apr 02, 2018 7:14 am
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Q : What's the difference
between a Hooker and a
Democrat ?

A : The Hooker will STOP
screwing YOU when you run
outta money

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Banned for calling GOD a racist!


Sat Apr 14, 2018 7:57 pm
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What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

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Sun Apr 15, 2018 5:52 am
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Stolen from IMGUR just now:

"What is MineCraft?"

"It's Hitler's lesser known second book about his love of knitting"

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"The said constitution shall never be construed to authorize Congress to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms." ~ Samuel Adams

"I love Girl Scout Crack!" ~ usrifle


Thu Apr 26, 2018 6:31 pm
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Apple computer announced
today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play stereo music in women's
breast implants.



The iTit, will cost between $499 and $699, depending on ‘speaker size’.





This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained
about men staring at their breasts
and not listening to them.


Wed May 02, 2018 12:22 pm
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A teenage boy passed his driving test and inquired
of his father as to when they could discuss his use
of the car. His father offered a deal, "You bring your
grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible
a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about
the car." The boy decided he'd settle for that, and
they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father
said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've
observed that you have been studying your Bible,
but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking
about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible
that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long
hair, Moses had long hair, and there's evidence that
Jesus had long hair."
His father says, "Did you also notice they walked
everywhere they went?"

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"The said constitution shall never be construed to authorize Congress to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms." ~ Samuel Adams

"I love Girl Scout Crack!" ~ usrifle


Sat May 12, 2018 7:13 am
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Blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. “I came to inseminate the cow,” he said.
Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows, and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm dying to know. How would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"
"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the
nail for?"
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on,” she replied.

_________________
Just leave me alone.

“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”
Samuel Adams


Fri Jun 01, 2018 3:37 pm
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Image

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"The said constitution shall never be construed to authorize Congress to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms." ~ Samuel Adams

"I love Girl Scout Crack!" ~ usrifle


Thu Jun 14, 2018 2:42 pm
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