SO I had to write an answer to a question in my Toxicology class.

1. Assume the responsibility of the director of Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). List the most important actions for dealing with the problems of (a) air pollution and (b) water pollution. What other actions might you recommend to take other than the ones listed in the textbook? Justify your position.

I saw no listing, and didn't know WTF the teacher was talking about, so I wrote up some chit off the top of my head................

As the director of the Federal EPA, I would set in motion three simple rulings that I alone, with no Congressional oversight, would come up with. Since Congress abated it’s role of developing the laws of this nation within the realm of the EPA, and since in this day and age it is acceptable to act in defiance of Congressional inquiry, my changes would be far reaching and highly effective. My first ruling as administrator of the EPA, would be the destruction of all Monsanto research and production facilities as they are the devil incarnate and destroy all that they see and touch. Their man-made poison and their man-made foods will no longer be allowed to pollute our bodies, the air we breathe, nor the soil and water that we use for our crops. Their company executives will be publicly executed and company assets seized with all funds being deposited to the U.S. Treasury in a fund for family farm subsidies. All of their lower level employees will be banished to Canada or China. Secondly, to protect the air and water quality, all self-loathing Democrats will be required to live up to their wishes of everyone driving fuel efficient cars by actually providing the funds to do so out of their own bank accounts. Taxpayer funds will not be used for government car-owning schemes. There will be a sliding scale, depending on asset worth, as to how many of these vehicles the government will force these people to purchase for the betterment of their countrymen. Said vehicles will be emblazoned with the phrase “Forward” and the name of its purchaser to encourage more participants in the “Moving Forward” program. They will also get their wish of high fuel prices, as they will be required through their registration to pay a higher fuel price than non-registered citizens. They must also pay the higher fuel price for the vehicles that they have purchased in my “Moving Forward” program. Citizens who dare call themselves men and women will still be allowed to drive their large vehicles with fuel sold at a discount rate so as to produce much needed economic activity. Third, in order to protect the forests of this nation and the ability of the trees to clean the air of pollutants, I will enact common-sense printer control. All people, except for federal employees, that own large-capacity paper-using printers that print at the high-capacity rate of ten pages or more per minute will be required to register their printers with the government. New York state residents will have a special inclusionary rule and will be forced to register any printer with the capacity to print faster than six pages per minute. Printers that have the rear thing that flips up and/or a power cord shorter than sixteen inches will incur a $200 application fee and an extra nine month wait time. The acquisition of forest destroying printers will be severely curtailed through a high excise tax and the purchase of printers, paper, and ink products will be conducted only after a proper background check has been performed. First Amendment be damned, the Founding Fathers knew nothing of the ability of their future countrymen being able to use paper at such a high rate. Anyone who disagrees with these policy changes will be ridiculed on Twitter by a pubescent press secretary and their Facebook account will be cancelled by the NSA. Three all encompassing changes that will help mankind by protecting the environment, yes we can!

I looked at that huge block of text and said eff that.

nice

Bravo sir. Here's hoping you're teacher is not a Dem

That was damn funny. I needed a little funny this morning.

Hey, it was all good - until you decided to pollute Canada with the trash.

Send them to China, where pollution and trash is the norm, not the exception.

Oh, hell, even the Chinese don't deserve this.

Just run them through an airport snow blower, and turn them into pet food.

Meh....

I'd give it an A for thinking outside the box but don't be too surprised when you get an F for your essay....

It was written tongue n cheek but I'm sure the teacher will not be amused.

I like the high capacity printer registration in New York...too funny. Your teacher will probably agree with the concept but hopefully for your sake miss the underlying gun reference.