Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton .


One student turned in the following book report,
With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool teacher gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:...... Cost - $29.99
Clinton:..... Cost - $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:…. Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:.... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:….. Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:..... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:... Let's not go there.

Titanic:.... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:.... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:.... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:.... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:.... Monica.. ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:.... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing

A sixth grade child was asked to write a book report
>>> on the entire Bible. Here is what he wrote;The
>>> Children's Bible in a Nut shell In the beginning,
>>> which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,
>>> darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,
>>> “The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a
>>> lot older than that.Anyway, God said,
>>> "Give me a light!" and someone did.
>>>
>>> Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve.
>>> Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed
>>> because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
>>>
>>> Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so
>>> they were driven from the Garden. Not
>>> sure what they were driven in though, because they
>>> didn't have cars.
>>>
>>> Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as
>>> long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people
>>> died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a
>>> million or something.
>>>
>>> One of the next important people was Noah, who was a
>>> good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built
>>> a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He
>>> asked some other people to join him, but
>>> they said they would have to take a ran check.
>>>
>>> After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was
>>> more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob
>>> his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son
>>> named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
>>>
>>> Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name
>>> was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of
>>> Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten
>>> plagues on Pharaoh's people. These
>>> plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
>>>
>>> God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.
>>> Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet
>>> your neighbor's stuff.
>>> Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and
>>> thy mother.
>>>
>>> One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the
>>> first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of
>>> Geritol
>>> and the fence fell over on the town.
>>>
>>> After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing
>>> a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who
>>> had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was
>>> wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
>>>
>>> After Solomon there were a bunch of major league
>>> prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a
>>> big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
>>>
>>> There were also some minor league prophets, but I
>>> guess we don't have to worry about them.
>>>
>>> After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the
>>> star of The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a
>>> barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom
>>> is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were you born
>>> in a barn?" It would be nice to say, ''As a matter of fact, I
>>> was.'')
>>>
>>> During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners
>>> like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had
>>> twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus.
>>> Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after
>>> him.
>>>
>>> Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and
>>> even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But
>>> the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before
>>> Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He
>>> just washed his hands instead.
>>>
>>> Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to
>>> life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end
>>> of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of
>>> Revolution.