I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Stay strong!

Welcome to WaGuns!

It's not your fault. No matter how much you try to beat yourself up for it.

Short story.

I was 2. I had a childhood friend that I pushed down the stairs because he took my toy.

I didn't realize that pushing him away from me would nearly kill him, require him to be on a breathing tube for the next 10 years, cause umpteen thousands in medical bills over nearly 2 decades, etc.

One night, he called me, saying people were out to get him, someone was trying to rape him, etc.

Turned out he had a psychotic break, and was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

I couldn't talk to him anymore, he would ramble on about nonsense, talking about his phone being tapped, aliens probing him, everything under the sun.

They put him on medication for it, which caused him to gain weight rapidly. With the weight gain, came breathing problems, because of the tracheotomy and associated therapy, his airway was compromised, it couldn't hold itself open. His dad would find him asleep, gasping for air.

Well, one night, I got a call. His dad found him cold to the touch and unresponsive, no respiration, no heart rate.

He was gone.

I killed him.

If I had never pushed him away from me when I was as kid, he wouldn't have had a tracheotomy, wouldn't have had a compromised airway, and he'd still be alive today.

I was ridden with guilt, compound that with the fact that I couldn't even fly out for his memorial service...

I killed someone that I thought of as a brother, and I couldn't even say goodbye...

It took me a LONG time to realize that, it wasn't my fault.

Yeah, I could go back, and some things might be different, but it wouldn't change who or where he was.. If I hadn't pushed him, he wouldn't have had surgery, and he would be alive.


Bottom line is... You will second guess EVERYTHING you did... You will tell yourself that you could have done more, that there was SOMETHING you could have done. It's completely normal.

Just realize that it's not your fault. It's a choice he made, it wasn't under your control.

I've been through it, as have a lot of people here, and it's not something that I or anyone else can really tell you how to handle.

Know that you have people here that have your back, and can relate.

this shit terrible. I have helped before and continue to do so. Mash, try not to beat yourself too bad.

Sorry for your loss.

My uncle fought with depression and lost a few years back. The baggage my cousin carries now is pretty heavy, he's still working through it. He had some pretty big issues happen shortly after joing the PD, he went on several suicide calls. I'm sure he would rather have his father back with all the issues than the hole he has now.

Suicide pisses me off.

Suicide mean Satan won.

If YOU have a voice in your head telling you you would be better off dead, that is the voice of the great accuser, the devil himself.

Don't listen to him. Command him to leave you alone in the name of Jesus Christ.

And get whatever earthly help you can get.

So I spent Sunday with his wife and best friend. They had been concerned enough that they had both contacted his chain of command... they did nothing about it he missed first formation and 9 hours later they went looking for him. I Ann thinking heads may roll for that one.

It did me a lot of good to spend time with them lots of tiers and lots of laughs. It did all of us good thank you to all that have reached out to me in one form or another. It goes to show how much of a family this place is even if we are one hell of a fucked up family lol

Mash, I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers are with you and the family.

Thank you for your open invitation to talk. You are making a difference (for the better!), even if you don't see it. You don't see or know the people who don't follow through, just the ones who do.

At least your friend - had a friend. Some don't.

Everything you shared with your friend was better than nothing at all.

So, all of that, is the flame of friendship - keep it alive to honor your friend.

" You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. "

At least you tried.

As for all of us Wa Guns folks, TFB, you are stuck with us.

Mash, as you said above, " It goes to show how much of a family this place is, even if we are one hell of a fucked up family ".

Why, yes, we are.

Leave It To Beaver happened only on TV.

Sorry bro. But don't beat yourself up over it. You didn't take his life, he did. Whether or not anyone could have stopped it is water under the bridge my friend.

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss. Thanks for looking out for us all!!

One of the guys in my neighbors unit lost his battle on Wednesday. Something needs to be done. Soldiers need to know it's ok to ask for help.

I have been there I saw some one for 6 years when I got back. If any member needs help on this PM me I will drive to you and talk . I was to the point of having the gun in hand the only thing that stopped me is having kids . You are not weak for getting help just ask >

They are told it's OK time, and time again. We have classes on it at least every quarter. Unfortunately there is still a stigma about it. They think they will be looked down on, or not get promoted. Unfortunately if they don't get the help, the dead can't get promoted. Suicide: A permanent solution, to a temporary problem. Sometimes though it is the family that needs the training to see the warning signs. My 1ST SGT was able to hide it from his peers.