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Stuff is getting real now.

After the last half dozen matches, you'd think that the pipsqueak would take a break from the ring and either train more or put some weight on. She's 0-6 against the champ this month, but every time we take a walk I hear that soprano taunt "Throw blackberries? hahahah"
Alright kid. You asked for it.

The Princess Morgoth is a photog fiend, and pre-fight pics were req'd by her.
We met up before the fight at the ring.

I was trepidatious, but the Balrog didn't show any signs of fear. She should have.

We tried to intimidate each other.

Comparative measurements taken, reach first:

I think she finally sees that she is at a disadvantage, as she looks worried for the first time. Good.

Then height:

I tried to put some more fear in her by placing my hand on her pipsqueak head right as the pic was taken. The photog missed her response. She looked up at me with a glare and said "You'll pay for that."
Right-o, pipsqueak.

Omg serious cuteness!!!


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BUT WHO WON?!?!?!?!


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Where can I put money on this match??

That one dude is a lot bigger, but I've got a feeling that he's going to go soft when the fight gets intense. I think she'll take him down.

Mike is in the ICU. Balrog finally got fed up with his shit.

I got $1000 on Balrog, sorry mike you don't stand a chance


all she's gotta do is look at you, game over

:-(

Before I compile the results, let the records show that I did get a few shots in.
This was BS. Rigged, I tell you.

She started out with new tactics. In our previous fights we stood toe to toe, and I guess that she figured out that she needed to shake things up this time.
The Balrog turned guerrilla.

That's her foot by her head. I guess she's been training after all. Look at that flexibility. I am going to have to rely on old age and treachery after all, it seems.

I was able to get her out in the open for some toe to toe action:

Shields UP!


This was at the end of round one. I requested a break between rounds to clear the berry seeds out of my ears and nose.

See, I did get a few shots in. This is the Balrog attacking the photog in her blind rage.

One of the rare moments that I seemed to have her on the ropes.

Even running away she was able to twist away from some of those berries. She has been training.
I intend to file a complaint with the commission. There isn't any photographic evidence of the cheat, of course, because the photog was in on it!
As I was backing away from a furious onslaught by the Balrog I was tripped from behind! I found myself on the ground, at the Balrog's own level!


I hesitate to share how the carnage unfolded from this point on. The words "Brutal and reprehensible" will undoubtedly be in the report that will end up on the complaint in front of the commission tomorrow morning bright and early.

As much as I decry her unsportsmanlike actions in taking advantage of a crippled old man, felled to the ground by the cheating Morgoth, I can't help but admire her marksmanship.
Right in the middle of the forehead, and it stung.

Was there mercy in her heart? Look at that face, and you tell me.
I got a couple of feeble shots in between these snaps, but it didn't seem to faze her.
It was like one of those scenes where the one boxer gets the other in a corner and delivers ten shots one after the other, with no chance for the poor recipient to regroup and defend. Only worse. See her open mouth? She said "So much for the undefeated bragging rights, CHAMP." And she did not say it nice.

In this photo you can begin to fully understand the evil that I have to face here. The only break in the pummeling that I was being unmercifully subjected to was when the Balrog turned on the photog.

Awesome stuff!

Well-documented and well-written. I would leave the pics of her out of the report to the Commission, or you're done for.

In the end, money is on the Balrog and her digital accomplice, for the win

Sympathy toast to the narrator

It got worse, and you can bet this is going in the complaint too.
In paragraph 2.1.211a of the BBPF Rules and Regulations, it clearly states that berries are to be thrown, not slapped.

Thank god that the photog screwed up and caught this willful violation on celluloid.

Oh sure, I fought back my brethren, as best as I was able in my weakened and frail condition, and surrounded by treachery and malice.

Did I also violate 2.1.211a? Maybe. The photos do seem to give that impression. Let the record show though, that I did so in self-defense at this point. You will notice the abnormal cleanliness of the a-shirt - Balrog's been practicing more than guerrilla tactics, as almost all of her hits were to the face and head.
And then we get to the part that I am hesitant to share, even with you, my closest friends.

Yes, I was able to get some shots in, but only because the Balrog pinned me to the ground. My superior reach should have been able to keep her at arm's length, but no... Treachery by Morgoth allowed her spawn inside the security perimeter, so to speak, and it was a blackberry juice bath for yours truly.

I am riveted . . . the cliffhanger is killin' me.

Did you notice the bowl?! After I was down , Morgoth gave her a BOWL of blackberries!
Were the two evil ones satisfied with the outrageous cheat and drubbing that they dished out?
I think not.


You tell me Steve. Does this look like the face of defeat to you?


Do you see regret in those eyes? No sir, I do not either.

You have got to save these photos in a super safe place so you can bring them out at the wedding to warn that new son-in-law about exactly what he will be getting...